Baby Fever/ Mthfr

These last few months my baby fever has went from a 99 to 105. And LM will be 1 year in 2 months so I'm even more feeling the rush to start trying again here in a few months. (want them 2/3 years apart) Though I keep going back and forth about how I feel about it. When it came to trying to have my first baby things didn't go to great for a while. After one of the miscarriages I was diagnosed with MTHFR. Which by the name it looks like motherfucker and that is EXACTLY how I feel about it. Makes it hard to keep a pregnancy and the possibly for stillborn goes up with having it. Along with endometriosis and ovarian cyst my chances of having a living child keeps going down with the years passing by. Honestly I don't know how I feel about another loss. Of of my last ones put me in a bad state to the point I didn't want to get out of bed. I have my beautiful daughter and also I don't want to put her though it. Then there is the fact that what I have is genetic so there is also the chance of spreading it to my kids. Which I'm not comfortable with that. I'm not sure about the risk vs. benefit of that. Then I feel selfish to try again with the possibility of losing the baby or passing this motherfucker of a disease to them. I don't want them to go though what I do. But I do want kids :-( Also I don't want my daughter to be an only child to me she has to have a sibling. What if something happens to me or my husband I don't want my daughter to go though anything alone or everything to be on her shoulders. This is so hard to decide!!!!!! Also there is the feeling of wanting to be pregnant again. I loved every min of it from the throwing up to the kicks to watching her born and take her first breath. I miss those kicks, (even the bruises that she left because my girl can KICK). I even don't care if I have to take tons of icky vitimens that make me feel blah including the ones that I have to not eat for 4 hours or lay down for 30mins. I would do it all again.

Then again I go though the timing of my pregnancy I don't want to be pregnant in August. That is the month of my bad miscarriage. Also I want to be pregnant again most of summer. I loved the fact I could go in the pool at any time. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe!!!